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Daily Hopelessness

I wouldn't blame myself for being weak and hopeless because it's of no use.

Staying alive is kinda hard for me since most of my enegy are used to fight against the desire to die and the insufferable, neverending self-blaming.

I understand why I am like this. No joy, no life, no future, nothing helps, I know. 

Really really want to forgive myself and end it like this.

But still, even though rare, there are things I love and things I want to complete. Have to try to stay in this world a bit longer, and think wistfully that maybe, only maybe, I could endure all these sufferings and emerge as a better person. 

Maybe. At least I am doing my own part of struggle for today, be it hopeless, desparate or not.

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